Somewhere We Don't Belong

Penat

Penat. Aku penat. Sampai satu masa, aku akan berhenti berharap.

Still

Aku tak tahu kalau kau masih cari aku atau ambil berat pasal aku. Aku tak tahu kalau kau masih ada perasaan sayang terhadap aku, kalau kau masih cintakan aku atau tak. Aku tak tahu. Tapi aku masih sayangkan kau, aku masih ada perasaan yang sama terhadap kau, walaupun aku cuba larikan diri daripada kau. Tapi aku tahu, aku tak boleh. Bukan aku saja nak larikan diri, tapi hati aku kecewa dengan kata kata kau malam tu. Hati aku sungguh kecewa... Aku rindukan kau.. Bukannya aku ego, bukannya aku tak nak bercakap/bertegur kau tapi kata kata kau buat aku sedar, aku bukan lah orang terpenting dalam hidup kau.. Setiap kali aku teringat kata kata kau, air mata aku keluarkan sampai pipiku merah dan aku tak sedar aku terus tidur. Mungkin bagi kau, benda ni kecik/remeh.. Tapi aku hanya lah seorang manusia, seorang perempuan, aku mudah tersinggung dengan kata kata pedih, mungkin aku lupa kelakuan aku yang kadang kala seperti budak budak. Setiap kali aku nak text/ws/call kau, separuh hatiku katakan jangan, separuh lagi katakan ya. Aku takut aku tak akan dilayan oleh kau, perkara yang ingin aku hindari - tidak dilayan oleh seseorang yang kau sayangkan.. Mungkin ada salah silap aku yang masih buat kau terasa dengan sikap aku. Mungkin hanya harapan aku, angan angan aku, untuk kau cari aku balik tapi itu hanya lah mustahil untuk kau.. Aku tak rasa kau ingin cari aku balik.. Aku tak tahu.. Aku cuba nak lupakan kejap semua ni, tapi aku tak boleh. Sungguh aku lemah.. Di sebalik senyuman yang kau nampak dalam gambar aku, mungkin kau tak tahu, peritnya hati aku menanggung kesakitan ini.. Kalau benar jodoh aku dengan kau, aku harap kita ditemukan dengan lebih baik. Aku tak mampu janji untuk tidak sakitkan hati kau lagi, tapi aku boleh janji untuk bersama dengan kau sampai satu hari nanti, mati sahaja memisahkan kita. Kalau bukan, aku doakan kau akan hidup bersama wanita yang lebih baik dari aku, mampukan berikan kau senyuman setiap hari.. Amin.

And I think you should be somethin' I don't wanna hold back

You think you broke my heart, oh, boy for goodness' sake
You think I'm crying on my own
Well, I ain't
And I didn't wanna write a post
'Cause I didn't want anyone thinking I still care, I don't
But you don't still hit my phone up And, boy, I be movin' on
And I think you should be somethin' I don't wanna hold back,
Maybe you should know that
And I never like to admit that I was wrong
And I've been so caught up in my job
Didn't see what's going on
But now I know, I'm better sleeping on my own
'Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, boy, you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I'm still holdin' on to somethin'
You should go and love yourself
And every time you told me my opinion was wrong
And tried to make me forget where I came from
For all the times that you made me feel small I fell in love
Now I feel nothin' at all
And never felt so low when I was vulnerable
Was I a fool to let you break down my walls?

Sorrow of Me

I am just a 22 year old girl. I am not really kind, nice or either in a way my appearance told at first sight. I am not really good in love, and I meant it. I freaking out. I break your heart like so many times, and I don't think I deserve you, after what I have been done. I am such a jerk, stupid and idiot, cause I love you, and I don't really know why the reason is. All I know is... It is hard to explain in here, it is even harder to explain with words, only God knows how it is felt, and if only my face expression could explain all the words behind this to you.

I know, I am a spoiler. I try to distant myself from you, but I could not. I tried but it just did not worked out, the way I wanted. I know you felt terrible, miserable having me, wanted to text/sms/whatsapp/so-other-things with you, I know, I tried to do less than before. But I just could not... I am sorry...

Then I thought maybe this thing could ever worked for me,

I changed my phone number. Because I don't want any other argument or anything, cause I am so in heart broken. I cried so hard for almost every night, just to get over this, thought you were never care a damn about me. I am never felt so brokenly down like a shattered glass, before, cause I never fell in love so damn hard. I guess I am nothing to you, right now, for now, and maybe sooner or later, in the future.